This guest post is by Steve of Thecodeofextraordinarychange.com
Confidence is over-rated.
At least, it’s over-rated in the homogenized, misused, self-help industry clap-trap kinds of ways.
In today’s world it’s both easy and tempting to start putting a confident veneer over things, because it seems as though the world expects that. In relationships, friendships, career, blogging and business, there’s an expectation that you have to know what you’re doing, otherwise you just don’t stack up.
So communicating the “I’m know where I’m at” position becomes something we busy ourselves with. We become focused on the portrayal of expertise or success in addition to building that same expertise and success, and sometimes that portrayal prohibits the very thing you’re looking to achieve.
So I think it’s time to stop the BS and to halt the veneer of confidence. It’s time for unconfidence.
Here’s how it works.
You don’t have to pretend
I work two jobs because my coaching business doesn’t make enough money to support me. I don’t pretend that it does, because to do so requires that I see this fact as a negative and I don’t want to lie to my clients.
I don’t pretend that I know exactly where my business is going, because I’m largely making it up as I go along. I don’t pretend to have all the answers, because that would make me an asshole.
Pretending to be something you’re not or to know something you don’t is part of the old world. Online, people can now smell that kind of pretence and it’s only a matter of time before the offline world starts behaving similarly (if it hasn’t happened already).
You have an incredible array of skills, experience, strengths and talents and an even more incredible capacity to learn, improve and grow. Focus on that, not on pretending.
Engagement with meaning is a pre-requisite
If what you’re doing in your life and business doesn’t mean a whole lot to you, or amount to a hill o’ beans, you’re just treading water. If there’s nothing on the line, there’s no need for you to push at the boundaries of your capabilities. If there’s nothing at stake, you don’t need to step up to the plate or raise your head above the parapet.
You can coast.
The things that matter to you matter for a reason. Ignoring them disconnects meaning from your life and work, and the net result is that you don’t really care what happens.
It’s a place of limbo and increasing constraint,